armatij

I am alone again.

Something happened, and it came out of nowhere. I lied to her, and now its over.

She and I are going to be best friends until she can trust me enough to start over. I dont know if I can handle that. I can't sleep more than an hour or so because of the dreams I have. I never stop thinking about how much of a fucking idiot I am, and how i screwed up the only thing that matters in my life. She is the only thing that matters to me, and I will do anything to get her back. If she says "jump", I'll ask, "how high?"

I fucking hate this. I'll be leaving saturday for two weeks (Annual Training), and this is all im going to have on my mind the whole time. You'd think that I wouldnt because I will be so busy with shit there, but I will, and its going to effect me bigtime. I wish I could just be with her some more. Just being near her makes me feel better.

I just hope that eventually she can forgive me and that we can start over. I dont know what I will do with myself if we dont, but I know it wont be good.

Well, today has been pretty laid back.

Yesterday Randi woke me up at about 10:30 by coming in and jumping on me. I got a whole like 2 hours of sleep, maybe. not conitinuous either, like 20 minutes, then wake up, 30 minutes, then wake up....etc. I ended up hanging out with the guyz from the time I left Randi the night previous until like 6:30 in the morning when i finally came home. When i got home i texted Randi a bit, took a shower, shaved, and kinda layed around on my bed a little bit before fallin asleep for little incriments of time.

So she woke me up and dressed me and we finished the episode of stargate that we had started the night before so that I could get a little time to kinda wake up a bit. after that it was like 12 by the time we were completely ready and out the door. When we had talked on the phone earlier ((around like 8 a.m.)) I had told her that she didnt have to tell me what was going on, and she had told me that she had promised so she would, so I assumed she was going to when she came over or whatever but we ended up spending the whole day together and not mentioning it at all. I thought about it, but I figured if she wanted to tell me she would bring it up so I just didnt.

We spent like the entire afternoon at the Mall of America, and let me tell you, its been a while since I've had that much fun there. Every other time I've gone in the past few years it was for something in particular or we had some kind of agenda and yesterday was just to experience the mall, because Randi had never actually been there just to shop. She had been there once or twice but only had gone to one or two stores, knowing exactly what she wanted/needed and not stopping to look at any other store, so yesterday was meant to experience the mall.

We got a book at Barnes and Noble to read together called Left Behind and its some religeous fiction book and apearantly ((I know this from reading the spine)) the series of books has helped millions of people "find jesus" so we'll see if it has some kind of effect on me in that way. We went to Spencers and got some love dice and a game titles "Lust." You basically create a new and unique "fantasy" every time you play and act it out at the end of the game. we'll see how it goes. I got a new pair of khakis from aeropostle that match the pair that I already have from there. I needed another pair of pants so i figured I would get that same ones I had cuz i like em. Other than that we went on two rides, the Mighty axe, and the log chute. I would have taken her on the Mystery Mine Ride, if it werent still playing friggin sponge-bob squarepants. that ride used to be so sweet, till they changed it to that gay shit. I also woulda taken her on the Timberland twister if the line hadnt been from here to the end of the universe! Also we went to Underwaterworld. That was interesting. I had been there once before but it was cool to go there again. I played w/the sting rays at the end and the sharks and got all freaked out when a sting ray tried to bite my finger right the hell off....

At about 6 we decided to make our way home. On the drive home, I almost killed us like 5 or 6 times while I was trying like hell not to fall asleep at the wheel. I ended up getting us home safe and sound, but still, scary shit.

Once we got home we ended up talking about the stuff the night before and it ended up being nothing of any significance. Much ado about nothing really. Thats all im gonna say about it. I took her home and had her there by 9 like she was supposed to be and then I went home and ate, then crashed. I slept till 12:30. that was approx. 14 hours of sleep. very very nice.

Today i havent done much of anything. Randi wasnt allowed to go anywhere cuz that was the agreement for being able to go yesterday. I packed my rucksack today and tidied my room a tiny bit. other than that I am a lazy bastard. I downloaded limewire so i can get music after listening to it on pandora. I think i might take a nap right now...since its 7 p.m. and i have nothing to do.

Edit: I also got a charicature done while I was there with Randi

I think I look like Robert in this thing...

You scored as Psychology. You should be a Psychology major! </td> Chemistry 92% Psychology 92% Engineering 67% Sociology 67% Biology 58% Anthropology 58% Philosophy 58% Mathematics 58% Linguistics 33% Theater 33% English 25% Journalism 17% Art 17% Dance 17% What is your Perfect Major? created with QuizFarm.com

I am very glad I am going to college as a chemistry major :) I think i might do a psychology minor though. that would be very cool.

Today/yesterday went from good to the worst day I've had in a very long time/ever.

My friend from H.S. came to Red Wing from Rochester today to hang w/me, so we went to Hastings w/mark and his brother so Mark could get his lebrae pierced. I got it on camera footage w/my digital camera but I have no idea on how to put that kinda sheeit on there, so I cant post it, plus the camera is dead so thats a no-go. after the piercing was done we went to the movie theater and bought our tickets for the showing at 4:30 of the Ringer. it was like 3:30 so we went to the local gas station and got some water and snacks. While we were there Mark and his brother were trying to see if one of the 32 oz. bottles of water would fit in mark's pocket so he could sneak it into the theater and one of the two clerks saw them and thought we were trying to shoplift, and told us, "if you're going to do that shit why dont you just fuckin get out of here?" and we all explained to him what we were doing and he apologized and understood. Very interesting though. After the incident we went to McDonalds and got some burgers and shit. by the time we were done w/that stuff it was like 4:10 so we headed back to the theater and got our spots.

After the movie we headed home. We dropped Justin off at his car in front of my house and then went over to mark's house and I got my truck and met Randi at my house to hang out for about 2 hours before I was supposed to hang out w/some other guyz and play cards. This was all going very well and things, until it came time to separate. Something was going on. She was kind of lagging around with a sad face and refused to pull herself together to get up. After asking her multiple times what was wrong to no answer she finally got up and followed me downstairs so I could leave and go complete what I had alread planned w/others. We put our shoes on and walked out towards our cars and she started to have an angry mood with me when I told her to be careful for the icy sidewalk, ((her slipping and catching herself only like 2 seconds after me warning her mind you)) and then she went to her door of her car and kinda threw her purse inside along with her mittens or whatever else she had with her into it onto the passenger seat and closed the door, staying outside.

I knew something was kinda going on so I persisted and forced the issue with her telling me to go because I had plans. Then she started to cry. Now I KNOW something is up. The last thing on my mind was my fucking card games that we were gonna play. With her, if its something that is enough to make her cry, and in front of me which she has only done once before ((when i left for AIT)) then it is definitely something big. I stood there with her trying to get her to tell me and trying to comfort her too at the same time for what seemed like forever and finally it ended up in somewhat of a comprimise. I made her promise that She would tell me what is going on today when we do whatever it is we are gonna do.

Anyway I have been up all night and I'm not going to bed until I know what's going on. Too many possibilities....

So, on monday I decided to go and blow some money that I got for christmas on something schweet. I went to target and got a Kodak Easyshare C340. I saw the one Randi got for christmas and I decided I had to have one. This camera was 179.99 and you got a 20 dollar gift card when you bought it. I used my 25 dollar gift card that Randi's parents gave me for christmas so it was then the same price as the C330 would have been. difference between the 330 & 340 you might wonder...? that would be a megapixel. the 330 is 4 megapixels, and the 340 is 5. I know what you're thinking, what a great way to spend 30 extra bucks eh? on a megapixel. whatever though, its over and done with. I also got a 128 mb memory card for it so that I can hold more than 7 friggin pictures that it can hold on itself, and instead i can hold 95 and get 3 minutes of video. I did get it somewhat cheaper though cuz my friend was working and he gave me his discount, so i got 16 bucks off, and 3 off on the memory card cuz I got them separately so i could use the 20 dollar gift card on the card.

The rest of the day on monday was pretty much wasted doing just about nothing. I ended up going to Randi's for like 2 hours in the evening and then i left cuz she was tired from an annoyingly long day. So I left and went home and watched t.v. and stuff till like 3 in the morning.

Yesterday was a much better day. I hung out with Randi most of the day and we went and got subway and then went to see the movie "Fun w/Dick and Jane" it was a pretty good flick. Jim Carey is a good actor, I dont care who says otherwise. Afterwords we went back to my house and watched an episode of Stargate and then kinda chilled for a few hours and she went home sometime around 2 cuz I had to get up and get ready for an interview at target today that I had at 10.

I got up and ready for that this morning and it seemed to go well I guess. It was my second interview and afterword I had my 3rd interview quick. So now I'm waiting on the HR department to contact me if they think im good for the job. We'll see I guess.

Today I will be hangin w/friends I think. Justin is comin up from Rochester and Mark is getting his Lebrae ((his lip sorta)) pierced. we are prolly gonna go with him and stuff, should be fun watching him squirm. I will bring my new camera to take advantage of having it. Afterwords we might see The Ringer. We'll see what everyone else wants to do.

Christmas is finally over. To me it didnt even really feel like it had come this year. I got absolutely nothing for anyone except the card I got for my mom, and the card I got for my dad, but thats because I'm broke. I feel kinda bad, especially with all the stuff I received. To add to my two lists in the last two entries, i got a 25 dollar target gift card from Randi's parents today. Wouldn't you know it, i was a prick and forgot to say thank you. F me...

so anyway, after this mornings festivities, i decided to shower and shave, and then take a nap cuz i was so friggin tired. I woke up at 10:15 when Randi called and I talked to her for 10 minutes and then finished getting ready and went over to her house. They did their christmas stuff, mostly opening presents and i just kinda sat there and watched. it was pretty amusing. The first present that was opened was by randi's dad, and he got a piece of paper that started a 5 part scavenger hunt. At the end was a pile of stuff so it was very amusing for the rest of us to see him look for these things.

Randi's older brother had some interesting things too. He had a lot of boxes full of tissue paper that had a piece of paper in the middle saying "better luck next time" and stuff because they paid to get the transmission rebuilt in the car he got, so he didnt get much else, and they like to have an even amount of presents for all the kids so he had like 5 boxes like that, with different things written on the paper.

Randi got a nice Kodak Easy Share digital camera that I liked and I'm gonna look to see how much it is and I might get one myself if its not wicked expensive, like over 100 bucks. We'll see. I am gonna go shopping and cash all the checks I got in the last few days tomorrow, so that should be interesting.

After they opened stuff we spent most of the day watching the packers/bears game ((packers lost)) and after that we watched the vikings/ravens game ((vikings lost)). It was fun to watch, I really like watching football w/Randi, cuz its something we can do and we can both be entertained fully. I wasnt as interested in football until i watched it with her a couple of times and now its a fun thing to watch.

Now i am going to bed cuz I am tired and I am planning on getting up early for shopping tomorrow.

So after christmas morning here is an addition to the gifts I received:
-Can opener
-Spoons
-Forks
-Butter knives
-Razor blades
-Misc. Candy
-Shaving cream

Most of the things there are for when I move into the dorm. So, i guess we'll see how that goes.

I might be going over to Randi's today, but I'm not sure. She left me a message that her aunt is coming out to her house around 11, so if I wanted i could come out around then. We'll see i guess. Right now im tired as hell so i think im gonna go back to sleep for a little bit. Sound good to anyone else?

So, not that anyone cares, but im bored and I have decided to update my Livejournal. I have wanted to recently but it just seemed pointless with the nothingness that goes on in my life since i have no job and dont do much all day, but I will be starting school on the 23rd of January and have registration on the 19th, so i might need something to do between classes or at least have more things to post since college may make things more eventful.

As anyone who used to come here may have noticed, I deleted all my old entries and changed the format of the Journal itself. Mostly because I finally figured out how to change the format for one, and the old entries made me angry, so i just deleted them.

so, on thursday I was woken up at quarter to nine for a haircut my my mother, and then I took a shower and got dressed and then went back to sleep. ended up finishing getting ready and leaving around like 1 and got to my dad's around 2. I chilled around there by myself for a little while and then I went over to Emily's house. I picked her up and the two of us went to Sex World. I bought somethin, and she was gonna buy some condoms but they were like hella expensive, so we decided that Walgreens would be a better establishment to purchase condoms since the ones at sex world had collected a fair amount of dust on the individual boxes and they were like 21 dollars for a box of 12 i think. That is insane. After going back towards Emily's house we decided that there was way too much traffic and we were gonna park my truck and ride the light rail to the mall. We went to Walgreens and got her condoms and then some chips and soda to take with us on the rail and then parked across the street at the park and ride. light rail stop had a bunch of 15 minute parking spots and that was it for the parking because i guess it wasnt an official park and ride spot, but I parked there for like 2.5 hours anyway and we went to the mall. I ended up getting what I wanted to get for Randi, and Emily got the things she wanted for miles and a few others from the dollar store.

when we got to the truck it was still there, fortunately, and ticket free. I brought emily home, picking Miles up on the way, and then I went back to my dad's and waited for Rob to get done w/work. He got home and I was on the computer and after he changed out of his work uniform He, Robert, and I went to Shooters, which is some pool place thats open till 6 a.m. We played for like 2.5 hours and then left to drop off some people and back to my dad's. We ended up going to bed at 5 a.m and waking up at like 12:30 after Rob got a few calls on his cell that woke us up once or twice in there.

We got up and did some errands, mainly going to Best Buy to get a wireless router for the computer at my dad's house so that Rob can use his laptop anywhere in the house since my dad finally got a cable connection. We went into Best Buy and looked for maybe 15 minutes, and he spent about 45 minutes in line. That is total insanity. Do not EVER go shopping the day before christmas. thats just stupidity.

We then went back to my dad's house and played Starcraft for a while until my dad and kay got back from picking up eric and brandon from their grandma's house. We opened presents and then played with them. Eric got Uno Attack so we played that for quite a while, then me and Rob played cards late into the night.

I went to bed on the pull out couch in the basement and slept for like 5 and a half hours before I was rudely awakened by Debbie making a ton of racket in the basement. Randi would have been proud cuz I woke up at a decent time for once, but I then took like an hour nap in eric's bed after I took a shower and got dressed.....so...I don't know if that like negates the good wake-up time or what, heh.

People finally showed up at like 3 and we talked and laughed and stuff for a while, then I told everyone i was leaving early, so I opened my presents from non-immediate-family-relatives and thanked them, then ate a bit of food and headed home.

I got home to my family here eating dinner. I had a few things and then we opened presents. That took about an hour, and now im here in my room doing this. We have our Christmas Day things tomorrow morning, but thats just like stocking stuffers and stuff, so i dont think I'll get much more, especially since I got as much as I did.

List of things I got:
-$370.00 cash/checks($150 check from my dad/$200 dollar check from mom/cody/20 dollar bill from grandpa monroe)
-Used microwave from my dad for my dorm
-12 Piece microwave cook set
-Dragonology (A book from my older sister about dragons and their origins)
-2 Large plastic cups
-A spider man trash can for my dorm
-Ferrero Rocher candies from my grandma
-A small can of blue diamond honey roasted almonds

All-in-all, pretty schweet. Still have tomorrow morning too. We'll see how that goes.

Other than that, there isn't much else goin on. There's something bothering me, but that is for a private entry i think. I don't know who will read this, so i dont know what I can/can't put here.